OOOOHHHH TOMMY ! YOU SMELL SO FRESH !

MARDI GRAS COUNTDOWN = 147 DAYS

43. OWN A RACEHORSE

44. OWN A SOCCER CLUB

TODAY'S WORD IS Eau de toilette - it has around 1-6% perfume concentrates. This makes for a light scent that doesn't linger as long as the more intense versions. It was originally intended to be a refreshing body splash to help people wake up in the morning. AND, IT'S FUN TO SAY.

AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, I LOVE TO SMELL GOOD. THERE IS SOMETHING SO SEXY ABOUT SMELLING GOOD, OR BEING ABLE TO PLEASURE IN THE SCENT OF SOMEONE WHO SMELLS GOOD ! IT IS SIMPLY MIND NUMBING TO ME ! WHHEEWWW ! HONEY HUSH ! I LOVE ME TO SMELL GOOD, WOMEN THAT SMELL GOOD, DOGS, CARS, HOUSES, WHATEVER. AS SOME OF YOU KNOW, I AM A "HELPLESS" ROMANTIC, AND SMELL IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING, BUT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TRY TO SMELL GOOD. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MAY BE SNIFFING ! I HAVE GARNERED A REPUTATION IN THE LAB WITH SOME OF THE LADIES FOR SMELLING SO FRESH ! THEY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A JUICY TOMATO, READY TO BE SLICED AND PUT ON SOMEONE'S SANDWICH ! YES LAWD ! 

I CURRENTLY KEEP A SMALL INVENTORY OF SCENTS READY FOR ALL OCCASIONS. THIS SATURDAY FOUND ME AT THE COLOGNE COUNTER IN DILLARDS. WHY NOT PURCHASE ANOTHER? 

I WAS, IN A NICE WAY, PUSHED BY THE SALESLADY TO TRY SEAN JEAN, THEN ERRRRRRSSHHHERRRR. WHEN NEITHER OF THOSE TICKLED MY FANCY, SHE TRIED TO SELL ME ROCA WEAR ? I WAS AT THE POINT OF LETTING HER KNOW THAT DESPITE MY GANGSTA APPEARANCE, I AM NOT THE NEXT CHUNKY SHADY (MY VERSION OF SLIM SHADY FOR YOU SLOW LEARNERS). I MEAN C'MON. SO, I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH MY METHOD OF COLOGNE SHOPPING.

T REE'S GUIDE TO BUYING COLOGNE, AND IMPRESSING THE LADIES WITH YOUR SCENT.

FOR YOU MALES OUT THERE, THIS WILL BE GEARED TO YOU. LADIES, YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT.

CHOOSING A SCENT IS LIKE CHOOSING A MATE. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, AND YOU SHOULDN'T LET ANYONE DISSUADE YOU. YOU WILL BE TEMPTED BY GOOD LOOKS (PACKAGING, ETC) AND SALES PITCHES (I WILL CALL THESE FLOOOZIES). IF SOMETHING IS GOOD, IT SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE DISCOUNTED. EVER SEEN EMPLOYEE PRICING ON BMW'S? JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING SMELLS DELICIOUS (COMPARE THIS TO YOUR STANDARD PLAYMATE), DOESN'T MEAN IT'S RIGHT FOR YOU. YOU SHOULD NOT WEAR COLOGNE WHEN GOING TO BUY COLOGNE (LIKE CHASING A WOMAN WHEN YOU HAVE A WOMAN), YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS WILL BE A PROBLEM. PRETTY EASY STUFF HERE PEOPLE. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT IT IS OK TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE SCENT, BUT FOR BEST RESULTS, STICK TO ONE WOMAN. TRY ALL AVAILABLE COLOGNES THAT INTEREST YOU. ON A CARD ONLY. NOT ON YOU, DUMBASS. FIND 2 THAT YOU LIKE. THEN APPLY 1 TO EACH OF YOUR WRISTS. IF YOU HAVE ONE ARM, OR NO ARMS, YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE MORE TRIPS (IT'S FUNNY HOW WE TAKE OUR LIMBS FOR GRANTED). IT HAS TO, HAS TO, HAS TO SMELL GOOD ON YOU, NOT JUST ON THE CARD. IF IT DOESN'T SMELL GOOD ON YOU, DON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT (SEE THE RESEMBLANCE WITH MATE SELECTION?). AND, DON'T BE SCARED TO PURCHASE MORE THAN ONE. YOU SHOULD HAVE DIFFERENT SCENTS FOR DIFFERENT "MOODS". IF YOU ARE DRESSED BRIGHTLY, AND IT IS SPRING OR SUMMER, WEAR SOMETHING A LITTLE LIGHT AND AIRY. IF FALL OR WINTER, OR YOU ARE DRESSED MORE SULLEN, WEAR SOMETHING A LITTLE HEAVY, OR WOODSY, SHALL I SAY. KEEP THAT ONE SUREFIRE COLOGNE ON HAND FOR THOSE SPECIAL "OCCASIONS". SURE, TEST IT OUT, LIKE I DID TODAY. I WAS LUCKY TO ESCAPE WORK WITH ALL MY CLOTHES ON ! BUT KEEP THAT ONE FOR SPECIAL DAYS, OR SOMEONE SPECIAL. THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE IS TO NOT APPLY TOO MUCH SCENT. THIS IS A KILLER. 1-2 SQUIRTS ON 1 WRIST AND THEN TAP, NOT RUB YOUR WRISTS TOGETHER (THIS IS NOT RUB ON A PORK LOIN). AND, THE MANDATORY 1 SQUIRT ON YOUR CHEST, AT THE NOSE HEIGHT OF THE LUCKY LADY IN YOUR LIFE WILL DO (IF SHE IS TALLER, STILL ON THE CHEST, NOT THE FOREHEAD LIKE ASHES ON ASH WEDNESDAY). SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE TO WANT TO SMELL YOU TO SMELL YOU, OR THEY SHOULD CATCH A BIT WHEN YOU PASS. BUT WHEN THEY CAN SMELL YOU EVERY TIME YOU GET IN THE RED ZONE (INSIDE THE 20 YARD LINE LADIES), YOU HAVE AS I LIKE TO SAY, OVERAPPLIED. WOMEN APPRECIATE A MAN WHO PUTS FORTH THE EFFORT TO SMELL GOOD. AND, THEY LOVE TO SMELL YOU. I PROMISE. THEY WILL BE LIKE MAGNETS TO YOUR REFRIGERATOR (THANKS ACE) ! ONE LAST THING, A SPRITZ ON YOUR AREA, YA KNOW, AREA, IS COMPLETELY UNNECCESSARY. AFTER ALL, YOU ARE STILL A MAN RIGHT? I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING GAY LOTS, BUT CHAD, EVEN I DON'T PUT COLOGNE ON MY EQUIPMENT.

HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY! LADIES, FEEL FREE TO PASS THIS ALONG TO THAT MAN IN YOUR LIFE WHO ALWAYS SEEMS TO OVERAPPLY. CHANCES ARE HE WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO ME THAN TO YOU ANYWAY. 

WITH A CARING HEART, AND THE NOSE OF AN ELK, I BID YOU A GOOD NIGHTS' REST.

T REE

PS. HIT THE GOLF BALL LIKE A CHAMP TODAY. THOSE OF YOU ON MY TEAM, WE WILL NOT FINISH LAST NEXT TOURNAMENT.